Longhand by Andy Hamilton
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Longhand is a hilarious venture into alternate mythology. To be its protagonist, Andy Hamilton has created Malcolm George Galbraith. Half a dozen pages into the book, I felt as if I’d known this large, clumsy Scotsman all my life, and in a way, I have. Malcolm’s explanation of why he writes in longhand is revealing. ‘I smashed up my laptop. I pounded it into wee tiny bits then threw the pieces into the river.’ Our hero has lived a long, tumultuous life, and his adventures are celebrated in popular culture, but when we encounter him, he is facing the loss of everything he holds dear.
Malcolm’s epistle is not only laugh-out-loud funny but also engagingly philosophical. Under pressure from a fiendishly cruel deadline, he struggles to write to his beloved Bess, endeavouring to explain why he is being forced to desert her. In the course of this rambling love letter, he reflects on societies to which he formerly belonged, and compares them with the community he shares with Bess. Inspired by guilt and desperation, his observations on his varied experiences, past and present, are authentic and juicy, with an amusing flavour of grumpy old man. ‘Perhaps decades of material comfort always end in bitter dissatisfaction. People get swallowed by their expectations.’
When the story begins, Malcolm and Bess have been separated by a disaster that is the catalyst for his decision to leave. Readers never meet Malcolm’s partner of twenty years, but we feel as if we know her, because he describes her with such affectionate clarity. Bess is strong, sensible and brave, with an extensive and colourful vocabulary of swear words which chivalrous Malcolm does not record. He makes many delightful references to their long and loving relationship, during which certain roads have not been taken. ‘It would have been irresponsible to start a family when I’m being pursued by a vindictive God. (I know, it’s an old excuse).’
Andy Hamilton is celebrated for creating glorious feel-good comedies. From Old Harry’s Game on BBC Radio Sounds to the popular movie What We Did On Our Holiday, the author has shown his mastery of a wide range of media. In Longhand, he employs a highly original type format. The entire manuscript looks as if it has been neatly handwritten in black ink, using a broad-nibbed fountain pen, complete with crossings-out. Hence the title; although in the course of the narrative, another reason why the word ‘longhand’ has significance for Malcolm is revealed.
Nowadays, I seldom have the opportunity to read handwritten documents, so it took me a while to ‘get my eye in’. Then, I realised my glance could not slide across the page, which made it impossible for me to skim-read. The fact that the book is ‘hand-written’ compelled me to read much less quickly than I usually do, so I absorbed every detail of Malcolm’s heartfelt confession.
Reading Longhand as I would a traditional letter helped me to appreciate its wonderful style, and its clever use of ‘throw-away’ jokes. Hamilton’s thoughtful and enlightening humour made me laugh out loud, and discerning readers will enjoy his well-researched re-imagining of a popular hero.
